Ah, yes the GFE. The term has been overused, misused, carnally redefined and debated over.
(If you have yet to be privy to these conversations and feel your life will be the lesser if you are not, then see your local online chat community. If you don’t know which one, then I guess you’re out of luck because I’m not going to advertise for any here.)
Generally speaking the greatest abuse of the term occurs as gentlemen struggle to carnally define it. I have seen GFE summarized as French kissing, a blow job (minus a cover) and some form of genital penetration. It sounds crude doesn’t it? If you are excited by this description, you sir, are not a romantic.
This definition of GFE is woefully inadequate when applied to a true companion. In order to be an extraordinary companion a woman must seek to enjoy your company, engage you in conversation, know your inner longings and strive to see your strengths as a person. She must surpass the superficial in that she also seeks to be known by you herself and to give you an honest portion of her being as she receives a portion of yours. This exchange cannot be summarized by a simple menu of sex acts and does not even necessarily have to include a sex act of any kind.
And yet, no doubt, for many ladies (and gentleman as well) this crude list of services does summarize and define GFE. But doesn’t this debase all of us? If GFE is simply a list of sexual services, then where is the consensuality in it? And if not done with true consent and integrity of being then where is the joy? It follows to ask if it is joyless and simply obligatory how does the experience resemble the passionate love affair a man might have with his girlfriend?
Perhaps a different tact is in order. Perhaps there are some who would argue with my belief that companionship should involve the intention to know and be known by another. For those of you who are of this mind I would like to leave you with a thought.
In some way even our fictions hold the substance of our own truths. It is impossible to get away from being ourselves. So with that I will leave you with something a dear friend of mine likes to say, “you be you.”
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2 comments:
My dearest Allie,
Very well put! As you describe, GFE is about the “Experience”, which is more than acting out the acronyms. It’s about creating a powerful desire to want to know, touch and connect to each other in that very moment in time. It’s spontaneous, it’s chemistry and yet hard to describe… but you know it when you see it. You said it most eloquently before…it’s about bringing all of yourself to the encounter and offering the best. Then, a lifetime of memories and smiles follow. And my dear…that is what you do so very, very well!
J-
In the greatest of ways do our fictions hold the substance of our truths.
They are our purest self embodied in an archetype; the virgin, the king, the divine courtesan, a concrete persona to express our deepest dreams.
When we dive into these dreams with a lover we trust; with resolve, pure intentions and while still awake, it's like an ice cold lake, After the initial shock, we find ourselves whole and pure again, the perfect children of the ancient dance.
The words we use to describe it will always be inadequate. Who can explain the prolonged explosion of each nerve fiber and the collision of two hearts?
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